Atheism Nearly Cost Me My Life A Memoir by Atheism Nearly Cost Me My Life

Imagine being hunted. You cannot see your attacker, but you know that the attacker will catch up with you. So you run anyway. Run. You reach a crossroads, and you do not know which road to take. You pick any; it does not matter to you, because the attacker will catch up with you. At some point, you slow down, and you forget about the attacker. But then, later, you’ll remember the chase. And you’ll keep running, and running, and running. Until you are so tired that you do not even care about what is going to happen to you. So you stop. You say, “There’s no point in this running, if the attacker is going to catch up with me anyway.” In the end, the chase ends, the attacker catches up, and the attack is vicious.

The attacker represents death.

The chase represents life.

The crossroads represent decisions you make throughout life.

That is how I felt when I was an atheist. In case you are Muslim and never had the experience, that is what it was like for me to be an atheist. Atheism, to me, is synonymous with despair and hopelessness. Why?

Because there is no God.

Which means, life after death does not exist.

Which means, no matter how sinful you are, it would not matter to you.

Which means, the temptations (e.g. drugs, alcohol, extramarital sex) are extra tempting.

The temptation is so strong, once you are hooked, you cannot stop. You indulge into a sinful, wicked thing, and you want more. You do not stop because there is no God, and it does not matter.

There was a period in my life where I went through depression, and I once tried to commit suicide. Alhamdulillah, it did not work. I did it because I was selfish. I did it because I did not care about anyone, and there was no incentive to lead a better life. I did it because death was a way to stop the bad things from happening. I did it because I was an atheist.

Getting to know God through Islam solved many questions for me. It solved, primarily, how I am here, why I am here. It solved why suffering occurs. Religion has taught me that suffering was a way for me to become a better person, to learn from my mistakes, and a way to overwhelm and counteract against the sins I keep on committing.

Getting to know God through Islam showed me the light, the path, the truth. In the dusty recesses of my mind, through the dark dungeons, torches burst into flames that allayed all fears, conquered all terrors, and sparked a fervent desire for self-improvement. As a friend of mine tells me, Islam is not a religion… it is a state of being.

Atheism nearly cost me my life.

Islam has given me a rebirth.

Alhamdulillah. Masha’Allah.

Islam has given me the chance to become a new person, appreciate the brilliance of life through the tough times, smile more often, and lead a better life. I leave you with a quote to help you through times of sacrifice and suffering. Allah Hafiz!

“Verily, with hardship comes ease.” - The Holy Qur’an (Surah 94:5)


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  • Shiney

    this is a very moving story! Jazakallah Khair for sharing brother! It’s so amazing how Allah guides and protects His servants. It reminded me of the following ayah: “And whoever Allah guides –
    for him there is no misleader. Is not Allah Exalted in Might
    and Owner of Retribution?” (Az-Zumar-39:37)
    May I ask how you discovered Islam?

    • Nasir al-Din

      I discovered Islam on a physics trip. I met my first Muslim friend on the trip, to whom I was first antagonistic. At this point, I was in need of light. I had many, many questions. I knew no one as pious as this Muslimah who is a blogger, and after reading her blogs and asked many questions, I decided that this is the way of life for me. Masha’Allah. I am very certain that Allah subhana wa ta’ala truly guided me. JazaakAllahu khayran for that ayah! Alhamdulillah. :)

  • http://knida.wordpress.com nida

    MashAllah this is a very inspiring piece and so true. If this world was all the life we were to have, what a depressing thought that would be! I shudder to think what kind of a person I would be if I did not have belief in the Day of Judgement and the Hereafter. I’m not perfect, and I’m not as close to perfect Imaan as I want to be, but I have faith and inshAllah I have hope and maybe someday inshAllah my baby steps will lead me to something better. But life without hope? Why would you even want to put yourself through that my renouncing God?

    This is a very moving story! Keep writing :)

  • http://azizooooo.blogspot.com Aziza

    Alhamdullilah I am so glad that Allah has guided you to Islam, it truly is a state of being that transforms your whole life for the better. When you don’t have Him in your life, you think you are happy, but you can never have true happiness until your life is devoted to your creator.

  • Anonymous

    This is a really touching account. I wish all the best for you. I really hope and pray you become stronger rather than life becoming easier…and that you’ll be accepted in the highest heaven inshaAllah. (: Please keep writing and remember the everlasting hope you can always find in the Mercy of Allah. Keep Smiling brother Nasir (:

  • http://www.muslimyouthmusings.com/ Maryam

    I want to thank you for writing this, jazakAllah khayr. I can relate to your story. How much more beautiful it is now that you are living in the light! SubhanAllah.

     May Allah ta’ala keep you steadfast upon deen, may He give you the death of a believer on the highest level of iman, and as long as you live, i pray that you live with the Quran and Sunnah as your guide and that nothing removes the love of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala and His beloved sallallahu alyhe wa sallam one bit from your heart ameen. Keep reading, that’s like breathing for everyone, esp for ex-atheists.